The One Mistake
by Chrissy Almasy
Summary: WARNING: don't read this if you're depressed. Squall discovers something the hard way angst! drama! blood.


"No…no…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: Yeeey! Song fic! Finally got around to doing one! Okay, wrote this at work in one day, so it's not perfect, but who cares, right? Anyone remember 'A very strange day..'? Well, this is what I originally intended it to be, until it turned out wacky.

Disclaimer: I'll tell you once, I'll tell you again: I don't owe these guys! Won't even pretend I do ^_^. And I don't own the lyrics, either.

Rating: Like rating is gonna stop anyone from reading this. Just be warned: Extreme drama and angst. Suicidal theme (Man, I must be depressed if I keep writing about that sort o' stuff!). 

The lyrics are the complete songtext of 'The end of the line' by The Offspring (one of the greatest bands ever YAAAAAY!)

__ ****

The one mistake

When the siren's flash is gone

And we're left to carry on

All the memories are too few 

"No…no…NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Squall woke up, panting. He wiped the wet strands of hair out of his face with one hand and clutched his turning stomach with his other. In the dark room he could barely make out the light that indicated the light switch for the bathroom. Without waiting to regain his breath, he jumped out of bed, hit the switch and hung his head over the toilet. Tears streaking down his face, he vomited until there was nothing left in his stomach.

"Squall? Squall, are you okay?"

He shook his head in reply to Rinoa's concerned question and grabbed a piece of toilet paper to wipe his mouth. 

"No…" he finally gasped. "I'm not okay."

Looking more worried than he had ever seen her, Rinoa approached him, putting her hands on his shoulders, slowly massaging his tense muscles.

"You're not coming down with something, are you?"

He shook his head again and sighed. "No… I'm not ill. Just had a bad dream. A _really_ bad dream…"

She stroked his cheek, wiping the tears away. "Care to tell me?" she said softly.

He nodded this time, but motioned her to wait for a moment while he rinsed his mouth to get the acid taste out and refresh his mind. He let her guide him back to the bed, but refused to lie down again. 

"It was really scary. The whole atmosphere was tense and thick with emotions. Bad emotions. I could almost taste the fear and the hatred. I was… heading for a crime scene. Someone had been killed. I felt slightly more comfortable, because you were with me. I held your hand, knowing that whoever was dead, it wasn't you."

She smiled tenderly at him, taking his hand in hers as she sat down by his side. "I'm still here, Squall. Nothing can hurt you."

He didn't look convinced of that when he continued the recollection of his nightmare. "When we arrived at the scene, there was this huge pool of blood on the ground. It had to have been a carnage. A few yards away, the medics were zipping up a body bag, but there was only one. One victim. I turned to the man who seemed to be in charge. He was kind of like those investigators you see in police series. I asked him what had happened. 'Slashed', was the only thing the man said. So I asked him if they had any clue as to who did it. Then the man held out a gunblade." Squall swallowed hard. "Hyperion, completely covered in blood. It was a really sick sight. So I ask the man if it had indeed been Seifer who did the killing and he said yes."

Rinoa frowned. "Seifer killed that person? Why? Who was it, anyway?"

"That was my next question. 'Who was the victim?' The man disappeared and it was like I saw the both of us and the pool of blood from birds' eye view. And then this really strange thing happened." He shuddered violently, as if he was going to be sick again. "The pool moved, taking a shape…."

"What shape?" she urged him when he was about to choke up.

Squall squeezed her hand really tight. "A man-sized version of Seifer's Fire Cross."

Rinoa was silent for a moment. "That's creepy," she whispered after a while, putting her arms around his shoulders. "But it was only a dream, Squall. Nothing happened and…"

"The strange thing was," Squall interrupted her, unusually emotional at the memory, "I knew instantly he was dead. Seifer had killed _himself_. And… and that _hurt_! The dream was so real! I don't know why but I suddenly realised how much he meant to me. He wanted me dead, he has been my rival for so long, but…" He suddenly grabbed his stomach again.

"Squall?"

"…Rinny… I don't think it was a dream at all…"

"Don't say such things, Squall! Of course it was a dream. It was a nightmare, but it didn't really happen! Maybe it's just that you're afraid Seifer will commit suicide. You both have been through so much during the war with Ultimecia and you both have to review your opinion of each other. And maybe you're discovering that you care about him. It's no surprise, Squall. The two of you grew up together, almost like brothers." 

But Squall seemed deaf to her words. He released his stomach, hoisted himself into his breeches and headed for the door.

"I won't be long," he told her. "I have to go and check."

__

When the pastor's music plays

And that casket rolls away

I could live again if you

Just stay alive for me 

The sick feeling in his stomach only grew as he came closer to Seifer's dormitory. With each step, the dread settled deeper and deeper, reaching an absolute maximum when he knocked on Seifer's door. 

Relatively quickly, he heard footsteps, and Seifer's voice, harsh with fatigue. "Whossit?"

Squall took a deep breath. If nothing was wrong, Seifer would laugh at him in his face, or get _really_ angry. Still, he took the chance. 

"It's me, Squall."

He heard a hand slamming against the inside of the door. As if he was angry, or lost his balance.

"Got to sleep, Squall. It's 4 a.m."

Squall hesitated. There was something in Seifer's voice he hadn't heard there before. The tone was a stranger to him, but he had heard it elsewhere. With shock, he realised it was the tone of defeat. Memory of his nightmare vivid in his mind, his heart started to pound in his throat.

"Seifer, open up! That's an order!" He banged the door to enforce his words.

There was a short silence before Seifer replied through the closed door. "No, Squall… I won't. Go to bed and get some sleep. I'm tired, too."

"But not the right kind of tired, is it? Seifer, you were already awake, I can tell you were! What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing that concerns you," his rival's voice came, no trace of his arrogance of pride to be found in his words. 

"Seifer, please. Something's wrong, I know it!" _You would have opened up to slam my mouth shut it you were all right. Or at least threatened to do so,_ Squall finished in his mind. "Please, open up!"

He heard Seifer sigh deeply. "Pleading with me, are you? No need and no use. Go to sleep, Squall. It'll all be over come morning."

Squall's heart skipped a beat. "No…Seifer, please tell me you're not doing what I think you are."

"….okay, then I'm not." The joke was humourless. He really sounded tired. 

Squall banged the door again, with his shoulder this time. "If you don't let me in, I'm breaking down the door!"

Through his own panting he could here his rival's soft chuckle. "You and what army? And since when would you care, anyway? Do yourself and me a favour and go to bed. Sleep and forget…"

"I can't. Please, Seifer… Let me in. Let me help."

"It's too late for help, Squall. Has been since before the war started." 

"You're ranting! You're saying things you don't mean. Now let me in!" With his ear pressed to the door, he could hear faint footsteps moving away from the door. "Don't you dare to walk out on me, Seifer! Seifer!!" 

__

Please stay now, you left me here alone - it's the end of the line

Please stay I can't make it on my own - it's the end of the line

Make it on my own

It's the end of the line 

The whole of Garden had to be awake by now. And indeed, by now the first people were coming out of their dorms to see what was going on. But only his closest friends approached to help.

Quistis, her nightgown dancing around her ankles, came down the corridor, looking as concerned as Rinoa had done earlier.

"Squall, what's going on?"

"Get Dr. Kadowaki," he ordered her. "NOW!" Then he turned when another set of familiar footsteps came running his way. "Zell! Help me break down the door!" 

Confused, Zell glanced at his friend and Commander, but as a trained soldier, did as he was told. He delivered a well-aimed drop-kick at the lock, breaking the spring and unlocking it. "It ain't the first time. They're lousy locks," the younger blonde muttered under his breath, but Squall paid no attention. He kicked the door open and glanced around the room. 

The carpet of the small hallway was covered with dark, wet stains that left little to the imagination. Up ahead, only a few steps from where his stood, Seifer lay on his stomach. A pool of blood was slowly spreading around his arm. Too slowly. Barely moving, as if it wasn't forced out of its veins anymore. No heartbeat to…

Squall forgot to breathe as he rushed to his rival's side, junctioning Shiva and casting a cura spell even before reaching him. It bounced off. Falling to his knees beside the blonde's motionless body, he tried a full-life. It, too, bounced. 

He found himself gasping for breath as he turned Seifer to his back, holding him to him. Paler than was natural, Seifer's face leaned casually against Squall's bare chest, eyes closed, mouth slightly open. He was fully dressed, save for his white trench coat, which lay on the bed. Next to it was Hyperion. The gunblade was covered with blood, just as it had been in Squall's nightmare. 

'Slashed', he remembered the investigator telling him. Looking down, carefully taking Seifer's hand in his own, he saw the cut that Hyperion's blade had made across the veins in his wrist. The blood had smeared over his hand and arm, until pooling on the floor as it had. 

In the corner of his eye he saw Rinoa standing, hands over her mouth in horror. Next to her, Zell looked just as stricken and the boy barely noticed it when Quistis pushed him aside, Dr. Kadowaki in her wake. 

Squall's mind was fogging as he held Seifer's body closer to him. He stared at the blonde's pale face in disbelieve. Seifer was his rival, his enemy, but also his brother. Rinoa was right, but he hadn't seen it in time. Hadn't wanted to see it. 

__

Now that you are dead and gone

And I'm left to carry on

I could never smile cause you

Won't stay alive for me 

And now, it was too late…

__

Finally,

Your final resting day

Is without me

I weep

And think of brighter days

What about me? 

If Squall's silences had ever been thought uncomfortable, the last few days had surpassed them. He had barely said a word to anyone. They didn't force him, though. They understood. Or felt something that came close to understanding. 

Squall himself was surprised at his misery. For years and year he had wanted his rival to stop tormenting him and during the war with Ultimecia, he had even wished him dead. _Goes to show you should be careful what you wish for_, he thought cruelly to himself. 

He had been warned. The dream -or rather the vision- had warned him it was going to happen. Even how it would be done. But he had taken too long to see the prediction in it. Too long too act. Too long before deciding to break down the door. If only he had…

__

No, it's not your fault! he told himself firmly. _If Seifer really wanted something, he always found a way to get it. And this was one of those things. If he had wanted to be saved, he would have opened the door. He would have… But he didn't._

__

You can't take back, the one mistake

That still lives on after life it takes

In that one day, that changed our lives

And bitter memories are left behind 

Tears brimmed Squall's eyes again as he stared down at the stone that marked Seifer's grave. "Stubborn bastard," he muttered. "Why didn't you say you needed help? Was it your pride that stopped you from asking for any? Or was it your honest choice to end it this way?"He sighed. "I wish you were here to tell me…"

At that moment, a bird took to flight from a nearby tree, losing some feathers in the process. One of them, a pure white feather, came gliding down on the gentle breeze, straight through Squall's field of vision. Surprised, he reached out and caught it. 

He smiled faintly and brushed the fluffy feather against his lips, accepting it as an answer, the only answer he was ever going to get. 

A gentle hand on his shoulder woke him from his thoughts. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Rinoa behind him, her eyes still red from crying all through the ceremony. It was strange to see her so taken aback, dressed all in black for the funeral earlier that day. 

"You okay?" she whispered, stroking his cheek with her fingers.

"No," he answered truthfully. "But I will be, sometime." He put his arm around her waist and held her tightly, almost fearing he would loose her, too. 

"It's strange, don't you think," he said after a while, "How you don't know what you've got until it's gone."

She pressed herself against him, responding to his need to feel her close by. Her hands stroked his back as they tightened their embrace.

"You'll miss him, won't you?" she said. 

Squall nodded slowly. "More than either of us would believe possible. But he made his choice, and I'll accept it." 

As they walked down the path to where the car was waiting for them, Squall opened his hand and let the wind take the white feather to a new destiny.

****

End 

****

A/N: Love it? Hate it? Weeped? Laughed? Want more? Want me to quit? Lemme know! 


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